A Period of Exploration

I stopped teaching yoga and dance about two years ago. Around then I had started to blame others and myself for my drawbacks, my paranoia was heightening, and I was grieving a friend.

I felt that I was unfit to teach.

Luckily I could easily slip out of teaching without affecting anything or anyone. Except myself really.

I am beginning to realize that this might be a bit of a break, a phase, of searching for some direction and clarity. How long I will take before I start teaching again is part of the mystery. This space gives me time to parent, to be a partner, and be a little more clear about who I am.

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I have always felt the need to know myself better, to understand what my mind is upto and why. I feel lucky that I have had the chance to get into therapy, that I can continue listening to my yoga teachers and others via podcasts, continue growing by taking workshops etc, without any pressure of teaching and being a “correct example”. Whatever I had decided that really meant anyways.

I have gotten into different activities like Muay Thai and running to balance out my practices, slowly and subtely developing the “inner roar” and fitness I sometimes felt was missing.

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I am reading again after a long period of not being able to get into any of the books I would pick up. I am into various topics from self help books, to memoirs, to fiction.

I continue to start activities, stop, try again, then either continue or stop again. But now it feels more like an exploration, neither a victory nor a failure.

 

 

 

2 thoughts on “A Period of Exploration

  1. Dear Natascha. An intelligent, beautiful woman going running, reading books again, conscious of parent and partner relations is on the right track. Running as one of many activities gives so much to the body and the mind. It’s almost like oil and vaccumcleaning. It smooths the system and cleans out at the same time. It is such a pleasure to follow your positive evolution. Just continue. Take your time. Big hug.

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